Delfina Krassnik, 59: The college-educated civil engineer from the Philippines married an Austrian for her second marriage, and she gave up everything in her native country for him. There were some big cultural adjustments: the pressure to learn German quickly was a heavy burden as the granting of an extension to her residence permit as a family member depended on it.
In the Philippines I’d actually achieved everything that I’d ever wished for in my life: I had work, my own car, my own house, a husband who was the love of my life and we had a daughter who we gave the best possible education. But then my husband was taken ill with cancer and to be able to pay for his treatment I accepted a job as a teacher in an international school, a long way away from my family. When my husband died and my daughter got married a short while later I suddenly felt very lonely and went into depression.
At this time my sister who lives in Hamburg sent me the email address of an old man from Austria who was looking for a female partner from the Philippines. I didn’t want or need that – why should I get married? But my sister thought, it’s only somebody to talk to and I agreed and that’s how everything started. We exchanged a few short emails and then spoke on Skype to each other for a year. Shortly after that he proposed to me. I thought it was just for fun and replied OK, OK mischievously without taking it very seriously. He wanted to meet me as well and again I answered more as a joke OK, OK.
I actually flew to Europe with a sister the following year to visit sisters of ours who were living there. On this trip I met my husband for the first time: he and his son picked my two sisters and me up in Munich and took us back to his house in Carinthia. My first impression was fear, I didn’t think I could marry this tall man, ten years older than me. I was torn about what I should do. We stayed three days.
Back in the Philippines my husband wanted me to tell him whether I actually wanted him to be my husband. It was another ten months before I came to Austria again. My first visa application was declined because I’d already been in the EU once in the last six months.
A few days after I arrived in Austria our wedding date was arranged. But I don’t know if it was fear. Because I got ill, dreamed about my first husband and my parents, who were all dead and were standing round my bed. I thought I was going to die. I saw all this as an evil omen from God, who perhaps didn’t want me to marry this man. On our wedding day I could hardly get out of bed. I can’t remember everything any more, just that I left the wedding party very soon after the ceremony. I had a fever of 41 degrees. Later my husband cut the wedding cake alone.
Since then there have been so many changes for me: the culture, the food, the language. My husband thought that I could automatically stay if we were married, but that’s not the case. So as soon as I was well again I had to start to learn intensive German because my visa had only been issued for half a year and an extension depended on my passing the A1 examination. I passed it without a single mistake but then there was a new problem: my Philippine passport had been issued with my old name and now I’d taken my Austrian husband’s name. We just managed to do it in time, to submit all the documents to the authorities in time.
Now I’ve got a residence permit as a family member. After another year you have to take the A2 examination so that the permit can be extended. Since then I’ve taken that one too and passed it with Merit. But it was very stressful.
I asked my husband: why are your laws so strict for foreigners? Why did you marry a foreigner? You must know that everything’s hard for foreigners. So much is new and unfamiliar for us already and then it’s not easy to learn German in such a short time. To some extent we are more strictly tested on our knowledge of German than other immigrants who have been in the country for much longer. But my husband didn’t know that either.
However, what I couldn’t have suspected when I came to Austria to get married were the serious changes that would soon unfold in my daughter’s life in the Philippines: she had had a baby in the meantime and her husband had left when the child was a month old. Since then she had been depressed and needed my help. I asked my husband to support her and he sent her money. But in the long run I have to find a job so that I can get my daughter and my grandchild back on their feet.
At the job centre they said: you still look really young, but your date of birth can’t lie. At the moment I’m taking part in a programme called “Off to a flying start”, I was the only foreigner selected despite being 59! I would do anything to be able to work: I’ve studied civil engineering and made clothes to finance my studies. After university I worked as a geophysicist and as a teacher at an international school. But I’d work as a kitchen help, maybe in an old people’s home, I don’t mind, I’d do anything for my daughter. Because I don’t want to put a strain on the relationship with my husband, he’s a good man. 28.10.2013